goodbye blues
by Lily Maxwell The Dark Angel
Summary: He just blurts it out. That phrase, so natural and simple. "Thanks, Bunny! I love you!". For the T&B Kink Meme, spoilers for episode 15. Kotetsu/Barnaby


**goodbye blues  
><strong>**by Lily M.**

* * *

><p>He can't remember the first time it dawned upon him. The first time he decided to name it, that feeling, that yearning. He can't remember because all he remembers is that it wasn't there before. Not at first, not at all, until those eyes stared deeply into his and he felt his stomach take turns. He can't remember because, <em>at first<em>, they are working together against their will, being forced together, _held_ together by an invisible but still rather powerful thread, handled neatly by their sponsors and superiors and _the public. _Oh, the public, with their all-seeing eyes and their judgment and their lack of compassion. There are expectations, and he tries, he tries his best to get closer, to make it work.

Until those lips finally curled up in a smile, _a smile for him_, and all those well-intended attempts felt like _so little_, because that smile is so small and delicate and _sincere._ It made Kotetsu wonder what exactly had he done to earn it, and could he keep it up?

Those eyes. Always so narrow and cold and piercing. It might have been them, yes. No, it was _definitely_ them, they changed everything. His perception of his partner, his intentions and the carefree gestures towards him turned into something else, something powerful and draining and it made him so fucking _nervous_.

Because one day, Barnaby's green eyes were so much closer than they had ever been. Kotetsu can't remember if he had leaned in. If Barnaby had leaned in. What they had been talking about. But it happened. Kotetsu wasn't fifteen anymore, he had loved, he had married, he had _lived_, but—

Barnaby hadn't closed his eyes. Kotetsu could smell him and feel the heat radiating off him and he couldn't look away from those suddenly dark green eyes until their lips met. He hadn't anticipated it, he was not prepared, but his hand was soon on Barnaby's head, bringing him closer. It didn't move like a kiss should move, for earnest lovers, for tentative lovers. For a while, their lips just met, they barely moved. Barnaby's glasses were still on and they were a cold brush against Kotetsu's skin.

It might have started there. Kotetsu can't be sure.

But he knows of the future kisses and touches and that voice calling his name. He knows when Barnaby is annoyed or displeased or sad, he can tell them apart now. He knows when he's content, when he's faking a smile, when he's _actually_ smiling. And then one day, one morning like every other morning, when he's late and Barnaby is at the door, he just blurts it out. That he would be there soon, and Barnaby says an impatient "Yes, Yes," and there it is, that phrase. So natural and simple.

"Thanks, Bunny! I love you!"

And the door is already closed when he realizes what he said, and he panics, wondering if Barnaby had heard him at all.

He doesn't see Barnaby for the rest of the day, Agnes has him busy, Kotetsu is sure it's on purpose, punishing him for something again, and Kotetsu isn't sure if he's lucky or doomed for he _can't_ concentrate on anything they tell him to do, and his stomach is hurting again, and—

His cellphone announces a text message.

It is something about how Barnaby is going to be late tonight, that he should probably go ahead without him, and Kotetsu doesn't know why but he feels dejected.

The phone announces a second message.

"_I love you too."_

He can't help but stare at the message for a few minutes. Wondering if he read it right, if that is sent right, if it really is Barnaby. But it is. And Kotetsu gets scolded by Saito because what he is saying is _really_ important and Kotetsu is there grinning like a doofus.

When the night falls, the city of Stern Bild is filled with a cold breeze and the light of a full moon. Winter is coming, and who knows what else is coming with it. Lying in bed, overcome by feelings he isn't quite sure he has felt before, Kotetsu says it again. He says it close this time, with his arm around the other, with no door to separate them, no distance to convenience them, the two who had always been comfortably apart, too afraid to connect to somebody.

"I love you, Bunny."

And even if he can't say everything that is on his mind, because he doesn't know how to, he doesn't know where things begin and how they are going to end, he says it. Even if he can't tell Barnaby that his powers are leaving him, that he's scared, that he doesn't know what to do, he wants Barnaby to know this.

It is the only certainty in his life at the moment, and Barnaby needs to know.

Barnaby laces their fingers together, and Kotetsu feels he might feel it, too.

It is real.


End file.
